Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Reality Table Manners

To paraphrase Donald Rumsfeld, we parent the children we have, not the children we wish we had.

When Ben and Garrett packed for Prague, they brought along all the habits -- charming and maddening -- that they had honed in Oneonta. To be fair, we brought ours, too. And, incidentally, there are many days the boys also believe that you have to grow up with the parents you have, not the parents you wish you had.

An issue that has plagued my parenting days is the mostly unfulfilled desire to enjoy, rather than endure, family dinners. The big people are finally putting their feet down -- gently, respectfully -- and declaring enough is enough.

Karl and I will be going out to dinner at Restaurant Pravěk later this month. Perhaps one or both boys will join us, whomever has earned seven checks for good table manners. Each night at home between now and November 20th, the boys have the opportunity to earn one check. If neither reaches seven, we'll get a babysitter and go out by ourselves. Because if that's the case, we'll need a night out.

Our chart includes easy-to-decipher symbols providing guidelines for expected table behavior.

Don'ts

Put your knees up against the edge of the table. Your feet belong on the floor.


Yell, or speak in escalating tones (often the result of approaching dinner conversation as a competitive sport ... and which usually leads to yelling).


Jump up out of your seat and/or wave your arms in the air. (Like you just don't care.) (Even if you don't.)


Dos


Sit, with feet on the floor, facing your food.


Join the conversation, using modulated, non-ear-crushing tones.


Use appropriate, time-honored phrases of polite discourse.


Clear your place upon finishing your meal.


Here's the current standing.


We're going away for a long weekend on Friday, so the boys don't have a lot of opportunities for proving themselves worthy. But I suspect that we'll all get the meal out, although Garrett might squeak in his seventh check just before the clock runs out. While far from perfect (and we're not actually aiming for perfect because we can't abide that kind of pressure ourselves), Ben and Garrett have matured in this regard. And dinner should be fun, too. Restaurant Pravěk means restaurant of prehistoric times. It has a stone-age feel to it: huge mammoth-like tusks line archways, “saber-tooth tiger” skins hang on the walls, and there are cavemen doodles on the menus.

Wait a minute. Caveman theme? Perhaps we should consider the message we're sending.

11 comments:

  1. I wish some of my friends were as conscientious with their children as you are! ;-) Morna

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  2. So glad we're not alone in this. The knees up position is Zach's favorite!

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  3. @ Morna ~ you're sweet, but it's really about my own sanity. :)
    @ Dave ~ That's kind of disheartening to hear -- Zach is a lot older than our kids!

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  4. What a great way to positively reward good behavior! They will be perfect angels the next time we meet.

    Love you,
    Mom

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  5. Just checked out the restaurant website. I think that taking your children to a caveman themed restaurant as a reward for good table manners is hilarious. What's the next prize? Dinner with the vikings?

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  6. Yeah, Mom. Angels.

    @ Jester ~ Prague Zoo gorilla pavilion?

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  7. Whoa! You set the bar high. I doubt Bubbie could manage any of your do's. He does all the don'ts.

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  8. Very nice!
    Natalie has been clearing her plate and asking to be excused for a while. I don't know when or why we started, but I think we felt it just naturally played into the Please and Thank Yous. Though I know our battle will be to continue through for when it is Gabe's turn..
    I LOVE the good manners equals Caveman Restaurant!! That is HILARIOUS!

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  9. @ Parenthropologist ~ Actually, the boys already are great with clearing their places and using polite phrases (altho sometimes they're yelled and often sound a bit rote, but whatever). And Ben's jumping up tendencies are much less acute than previous. I figured I had to include some already-mastered skills or else, yeah ... the challenge would be insurmountable. Gotta find the right touch between patting on the back and pushing them along.

    B&G are a little older than Bubbie. He'll get there, too. At some point I'll write a post about *how far* our boys have come in some respects. Especially Ben. Okay, really only Ben. :)

    @ Rachael ~ Thanks! Natalie always seemed like such a little lady. Her precocious manners don't surprise me at all.

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  10. What a great way incentive for your boys to remember their table manners! I am now working at Head Start daycare with preschoolers. We share two family style meals and a snack together everyday. While we try our best to teach the children table manners (and prevent them from choking on their food) our comments can be quite hilarious. "N- Don't touch the food. Use your words to tell me what you want", "L-Why do you have your hand in my glass?", "K- take your fork out of your pants!" (yes I really had to say that)

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  11. Just checking back to see how dinner went :) but see that you will post an update TBA.

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